Cats.

Let me preface this by saying, “I love my cats.”  They are sweet, smart, adorable and affectionate and I couldn’t imagine my life without them.  They’re my kids.

That said, my cats like to scratch things.

This is becoming a problem, as no one seems to have developed an effective set of kitty mitts and I’m running out of furniture.  In an effort to have them savage something made to be scratched, and not something made to be sat on by humans, I bought them this lovely $75 scratching post.

Two years ago.

Please note that the fuzzy things on the sides of the Luxury (24k solid gold core) $75 Scratching Post are not, in fact, tuffs of fur, battle scars of well-earned active usage.

They’re cobwebs.

There are a few other things they will scratch, most notably the inserts to other scratching devices.  But not while they are actually installed in said other scratching device.

They prefer them à la carte.

It recently occurred to me that perhaps they just didn’t realize how awesome this deluxe scratching post was, since it had been largely ignored since its arrival. On a whim I purchased a bottle of “miracle” Kong Naturals Catnip Spray from an enthusiastic clerk at Petsmart, who assured me the the “highly ethical” spraying of feline crack cocaine all over the post would be just the ticket to lure them to target. There, finally exposed to the overlooked sisal splendors and cushy carpeting, they would pluck to heart’s content, sparing my furniture and door posts.

Response immediately after light spraying of Kong Naturals Catnip Spray.

Response 10 minutes after saturating scratching post with entire bottle of Kong Naturals Catnip Spray.

::sigh:: Looking into kitty mitts.