C is for Crepe Murder
Crepe Murder: the unspoken crime of the South.
Crepe Myrtle are beautiful flowering bushes and trees with lacy blooms that range in color, much like Azaleas, from snowy white to the deepest red. They’re hardy, love warm weather and mild winters and tend to be very easy to grow, so they’re very commonly found in the Southern states – almost everyone I know has at least one Crepe Myrtle growing in their yard.
Unlike Azaleas (which people tend to let run rogue), for some reason, it’s commonly believed that Crepe Myrtles must be pruned every year to insure full flowering.
And some people take to this with the twisted enthusiasm of a serial killer.
The result, ladies and gentlemen, is known as “Crepe Murder.”
Tragically, most horticulturists agree that it’s a purposeless crime. They say that pruning, especially severe, accomplishes nothing but wounding the plant. Crepe Myrtles will flower and grow just fine without any “helpful” human hacking.
“Maybe he murdered Myrtle; that would’ve done everyone a favor. . . .”