A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South: Food, Family and Memories

I still crave my grandmother’s cooking, although she’s been gone now for more than 15 years.

My Granny

My Granny

She wasn’t a “chef,” or a fancy cook, but she prepared delicious, abundant meals and she poured her love for her family into every casserole and every slice of cornbread. I think because she and my granddaddy had lived through the Depression, when times were so hard and food was scarce, it was important for her afterwards to make a feast of every family meal.

Sunday dinner at my Granny’s was a momentous occasion. (And Sunday dinner means lunch, by the way.  In the old South, “supper” is the evening meal.)

She started cooking for Sunday on Saturday morning.

She always had two or three meats (ham, a beef roast, fried chicken, fried catfish or country-fried steak with white gravy) along with one or two types of potatoes (mashed with gravy/sweet potato casserole/potato salad), a vegetable medley casserole, macaroni and cheese, black-eyed peas, fried summer squash, fried sweet corn, green beans, slow cooked turnip greens with fatback, fresh sliced tomatoes in the Summer and fried green tomatoes in the Spring, and my all-time favorite, cornmeal–battered okra (the super crispy, slightly burned pieces are the best).

Hushpuppies, fresh-baked cornbread, yeast rolls and biscuits to sop up the gravy, or to slather with butter and her homemade plum jelly.  Coconut cake, banana pudding, pecan pie, strawberry shortcake and peach cobbler would satisfy your sweet tooth (should you have any energy left to open your mouth.)

I have dined at some of the finest restaurants in this country. I’d trade every one of those meals for one more chance to sit at her table.

Of course, she never sat at her own table. She bustled throughout the entire meal, filling up glasses with iced tea and water, fetching a fresh batch of biscuits from the oven, replenishing the chow-chow. After everyone else had stuffed themselves senseless, and the table was cleared, she might stop a moment for a small plate for herself.

She was always urging you to eat more. “But your plate is empty!” she’d wail.

Biscuits, butter and jelly

Biscuits, butter and jelly

Bulging eyes, tightening belts, groaning tummies and protests of being “full as a tick” had no impact: She’d just sniff and mourn that “you must not have liked it.”

Jewish grandmas got nothing on Southern grannies for food and guilt.

There are days when I yearn for for the food of my childhood.

Her food.

I’ll pick up squash and fresh tomatoes from the farmer’s market.  I even bake biscuits. I have the technology, recipes and equations that should make them taste the same, but they never do.

Southern food is au courant.  Farm-to-table is all the rage.  You can spend a fortune on something called “soul food” in trendy restaurants in New York, Chicago and L.A.

The true soul of Southern food isn’t just grits and greens, though; it’s the passion that goes into making them.

It’s the time and care in the cooking, the bond of the family at table; the joy of generations sharing stories and sustenance, passing down the memories along with the recipes.

It’s my Granny,  piling up my plate not just with food, but with her love.

“We believed in our grandmother’s cooking more fervently than we believed in God.” ― Jonathan Safran Foer

F

A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South: Etiquette & Manners

-3It was tough growing up a Southern kid.  There were a lot of rules.

You had to address every adult as ma’am or sir.  Every time.  Even strangers.

If you just missed one little ma’am accidentally, or mumbled, or showed even the slightest bit of of surliness, the speed at which your mama’s hand smacked you upside your backside was dazzling.

When an adult entered the room, you stood up and stayed standing until the adult bid you to sit back down.

“Please,” and “thank you,” were the front and back of every sentence leaving your mouth.

You cleaned your plate at every meal.  Even if it meant eating something you hated.  Like boiled okra or Brussels sprouts. To not eat something was insulting to whomever had been kind enough to prepare that food for you.

You scampered ahead and held the door for anyone older than you and you lent a hand to anyone who was in need of help.

You said, “Excuse me,” if you needed to be excused.

You learned to treat people the way you yourself wanted to be treated.

iLW7znWiEUJo5pXKxqdjhwDHuN94JTnc-G1thpfcWnuTzaE0nMWKcK8GhJEY_mqf9CBwx9zlJN1OHvBo4H8bxRMZdxYVpfk-9t1xOoNsELWiYNNALyxdIaZ6Tjq4_g2e3z82ZrlQvGYYWDEPWfigZAiOdFWslVFqPqjJIEsqC3x7GZQ=s0-d-e1-ft
I most likely whined about it as a child, but as an adult, I have nothing but gratitude to my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and neighbors who cared enough about me to insist that I practice courtesy, to respect others and their property, to respond first with kindness, to act with grace and graciousness.
 “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.”

Emily Post

A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South: Daddy’s Girl

Yes, I am a Daddy’s girl. Since I am also a Southern girl, there is no shame in this at all.

Regardless that I am a forty-something adult woman, it is not only perfectly normal, but socially acceptable for me to still call him Daddy.  Not Dad, not Jim.

(In the South, btw, Daddy is actually pronounced \ˈdeh-dē\ or “deddy”) 

383614_10151224165692561_295008258_nThere is a special relationship between Southern girls and their fathers.

Southern mamas teach their daughters to be strong women; but their fathers teach them that they are invincible princesses with arcane superpowers who should be treated with monumental respect.

Daddies teach their girls that they are brilliant and beautiful, worthy of love and loving and can do anything they put their minds to: start a business, be an astronaut, be president of the United States, be happy and fulfilled.

8895_10151224165697561_1369087551_nMy Daddy didn’t raise me to believe that my goals in life were defined by my gender.  He taught me to be smart and quick and strong and give my best.  And if I worked hard and believed in myself and what I was doing, I could have or be anything I wanted.

He taught me integrity by daily example.

3893_10151224525612561_1448443929_n

He taught me to win without vanquishing others.

He taught me a love of learning.

224916_10151224165792561_1162369545_n-2

He taught me that if I ever borrowed anything, I should give it back better than I got it.  Don’t just fill up the gas tank, wash and wax the car.

He taught me to be a good friend and told me that was the most important thing I could be in life.

My Daddy is my hero. Now and always.

232323232fp;nu=3242>66->;-7>WSNRCG=35<5;84975339nu0mrj-1

One of the (few) benefits of being older is that my father is now my friend.  My husband and I not only vacation with my parents, but we have dinner parties with them. We go to the beach together.  We enjoy their company.  We hang out.

We are good friends.

541674_10151224165902561_1342225598_n

I am eternally grateful for the strengths he gave me.  He not only taught me to believe in myself, but gave me a port in the storm and a shoulder to cry on for those times I didn’t.  He has always been there for me.

Me and my awesome Dad.

Me and my awesome Daddy.

I am proud to be a Daddy’s girl.  My Daddy’s girl.

We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pit bull while still maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered southern belle who could direct an army, loves her mama and will always be daddy’s little girl.”

– Cameran Eubanks

A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South: Coke Addiction

“Can I get a pop?”

If you’re a Southerner and you hear this statement, two things happen.

Your inside voice says, “Oh, a Northerner. Isn’t that cute!  Bless their heart.”

Your outside voice says, “You mean, you’d like a coke?”

I’m sorry, but in the South, it’s just not a pop.

It’s a coke.

cocacola

I don’t care what type or flavor it is: Diet, Classic, Sprite or 7up, SPLENDA®  or Truvía®, decaff or caff, leaded or unleaded.  Our grandparents called them “cold drinks,” but we call them cokes because not only was the Coca-Cola Company founded in Atlanta, but it rapidly became the primary carbonated beverage sold in the region, and then the nation and then the world: providing jobs to generations, expanding into a global empire, and becoming “a world-wide symbol of refreshment, fun, good times, and the American lifestyle.

To most Southerners, Pepsi’s just another type of coke.  A little hard to find, a little too fizzy.  Eh. Whatevs. I think you can get one at Taco Bell.

When I’m in “enlightened” company (read: Europeans, people with advanced degrees, anyone from New York City), I will attempt to use the word “soda” instead, in an effort for sophistication.

Should I convey that same term to the server or bartender, they will more often than not ask what type of vodka I’d like to go with it.

 Still, the pause that refreshes.

Three Things Thursday: Thursday April 2, 2015

My contribution of some of this week’s happy moments to the lovely Nerd In the Brain’s Three Things Thursday…

because it’s pretty sad not to take time to be happy!
2015-04-01 22.57.21
When I was out running errands last Saturday, I stopped by Intown Hardware and visited my favorite chicken, who lives there in their Swanky-Chickens-for-Wealthy-Hipsters Coop (co-op?) I named her Aretha Franklin, because much like the famous singer, she has quite an amazing hat.

Lamentably, my husband will not allow me to have a chicken, so I must admire her from afar.

2015-04-01 22.59.44
We compounded the beautiful day with brunch at Bantam Pub, which they were kind enough to build in the driveway of my loft complex. The food is wildly delicious. We soaked up sunshine and sweet breezes on the patio while enjoying Eggs Benedict with grilled salmon and bloody marys for me and a fried egg-topped lamb burger and some bourbon for my husband.

2015-04-01 23.00.43
As the lovely warm Spring day chilled into the evening, my husband pulled out the chimenea and built a cozy little campfire lounge in the backyard.

I’ll keep him.

Thanks, NITB, for the weekly gratitude reminder, and happy upcoming weekend to you all!

A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South: Accent the Positive

Ah’m fixin’ to write this blog, y’all, for the a to z challenge.  It’s just takin’ me a bit.

I was born in the South and learned to speak there, my earliest words lulled by languorous rhythms of low country loquacity, dusted with the twang of the North Georgia mountains, and balanced by the “get-to-the-business” patois of Birmingham and Atlanta.

I do have to confess to some inner valley girl swirled somehow into the middle; a hitchhiker, I suppose, from UGA college days long past.  It’s like, who I am.

Some of us chose to hide our Southerness.  Or mask it in our daily conversations, thinking the lack of a drawl makes us sound smarter, more educated.  Traveled.  Worldly.

But if we are from the South (and that South can run all the way from Delaware to parts of Texas and Arkansas) trust me: we have an accent.  And the deeper you get into Dixie, the deeper it lies within the dweller; the broader it becomes, the more it brands who we are.

As children, we’re all yes’ems and no’ums, fixins and done gonnas, but once we’re off to college and maybe living outside the South in some nest o’ Yankees or Midwesterners, (or heaven help us, as a lonely expat in outrageous and truly foreign parts, like New York City or Los Angeles), many of us will barricade behind the safe sterility of carefully enunciated “Americanisms,” only spontaneously dropping our “g”s in the excitement of  a promotion, “y’all”in’ all up while reminiscing about our childhood, returning to our every day lives from down home holidays with gifts of fudge, divinity and peanut brittle, along with some venison sausage that we let slip, “came from a deer our Deddy shot lass Fall.”

My voice falls into Southern drawl when I am tired, drunk, or in trouble. Too often, my accent is attacked by all three of these realities.”
Jennifer Harrison, Write like no one is reading

Much like Jennifer, my accent seeps out of me when I’m tired (and admittedly, the other two occasions as well) plus the rare opportunity that I’m actually speaking on the phone with a Southerner, especially an older woman.  It’s like a secret password: “Hey, I’m one of y’all.  I know the code.”

You almost always hear my accent when I’m being charming, or flirty. Believe it or not, Time Magazine recently reported that a survey by dating site Cupid.com, voted the “sing-song honey sweetness” of the Southern accent as the country’s sexiest, and by a pretty significant margin.

Regardless, it’s part of me and defines me as a native of the Southern states of our nation.  There’s history and tradition in my speech, an above-the-norm politeness and courtesy marks my words. The voices of my ancestors layer over the language of business and tech I speak daily at work; Southern “sugar” spins into words of endearment; the honeys, preciouses, sweeties, and darlins I use to address my beloveds and total strangers alike.

Oh, and I will use it to be annoying.  Don’t get me wrong.  The first time I sense someone is prejudging me as an Atlantan, or a Southerner in general; watching them don that patient look they might assume with the deliberately obtuse, the mentally challenged or the truly uneducated.

Game on.

And then I lay it thick.  Sweet as honey, slow as  molasses mixed with peanut buttuh.  Just givin’ them folks what they’re expectin.’

Why, it’d be just plain rude to disappoint!

“I decided to deflect her attitude by giving a long, Southern answer. I come from people who know how to draw things out. Annoy a Southerner, and we will drain away the moments of your life with our slow, detailed replies until you are nothing but a husk of your former self and that much closer to death.”
Maureen Johnson, The Name of the Star


Always “After” Me Lucky Charms – The Tardy Paddy’s Party

11008454_10153702145578626_3595862338279555338_nEverybody loves a party, but there is something about a Southerner that makes them reach lunge for any excuse to celebrate.

We’ve always focused on our Scottish ancestry (David’s a Douglas and I’m a Ferguson) but I do, at least, have some Irish heritage as well (McCormick on my Daddy’s side, should anyone require legitimacy.)

Just knowing us and our obsession with entertaining should have removed any minutia of surprise from the minds of friends and family when I announced we were adding St. Paddy’s Day to our list of annual gatherings.

After all, while based on a Irish religious observance, the modern holiday is truly an American celebration.

For us, an excuse to shake off the winter “blahs,” invite over a bunch of good friends, serve up a mess of great food and drink and enjoy a little festivity! (And the perfect excuse to dig out the green wig I bought years ago for another St. Patrick’s party)

March 17th, the actual St. Patrick’s Day, was out – it was mid-week and I had an enormous event at work, so we settled on a Post-Paddy Party the following weekend.

I love researching and designing menus, so I did some digging and came up with a Gaelic-inspired repast – thanks to some inspirational food blogs (please click through for the recipes):

Grab a plate and a cup!

Grab a plate and a cup!

Irish Guinness Lamb Stew100_1791

Cheddar and Guinness Fondue  with dunk-able ham cubes, croutons, apples and fresh veggies

Stuffed Baby Red Potatoes with Cheese and Bacon

Smoked Salmon Dip  served with assorted crackers

Kale and Spinach Greek Yogurt dip served with European Cucumber chips. (I bought mine at Trader Joe’s but click the link for a delicious home-made version.)

Jeeves, our trusty alligator butler, offered revelers a "Lucky Charm" libation at the door

Jeeves, our trusty alligator butler, offered revelers a “Lucky Charm” libation at the door

For bevs, we had our usual offering of red and white wines, a selection of Irish beers (Harp, Guinness) and a little sparkler I whipped up with fresh mango juice, cava and a dash of Emerald Green Tropical Punch Gatorade (shameful, I know, but the color gave it the zingy tone I was looking for).

Some lovely supplements to the spread were brought by friends:

Dana's homemade Irish Soda bread (complete with holographic butterfly - he likes to add that "extra touch."

Dana’s homemade Irish Soda bread (complete with holographic butterfly – he likes to add that “extra touch.”

Laura and Paul's tasty Guinness chocolate cake with Bailey's Irish Cream Icing! (and holographic butterfly - Dana had an extra.)

Laura and Paul’s tasty Guinness chocolate cake with Bailey’s Irish Cream Icing! (and holographic butterfly – Dana had backup.)

And we dug in, drank up and had a wonderful time!  Kudos to David for the spectacular Irish Stew!

Gathered in the kitchen enjoying Irish Lamb Stew and soda bread

Gathered in the kitchen, tucking into some Irish Lamb Stew and soda bread

Paddy's Party players!

Some of our Paddy’s Party players!

Enjoying the nosh!

Enjoying the nosh!

Someone always has to play with the kiddy toys...

Someone always has to play with the kiddy toys…

Some, more than others.

Some, more than others.

Happy hosts! That's me in the green wig.  (any excuse)

Happy hosts! That’s me in the green wig. (any excuse)

We had an amazing time – blasting Irish party tunes, talking, laughing, telling stories way into the wee hours.  Absolutely fantastic party.

And then there was the after party math.  ::sigh::

the afterparty

the 5 a.m. clean up party

The wee green beastie retired again til next year

And the wee green beastie is retired again til next year

Slàinte mhath, y’all!

Three Things Thursday (gasp!) – Actually on Thursday, March 26, 2015

I can’t believe that I’m actually posting my weekly contribution to the lovely Nerd in the Brain’s Three Things Thursday Challenge on the day it’s due (and not lame and belatedly later that week.)

I am such an overachiever!  At least, this morning.  So in no particular order, three things this week that made me smile:

Surprise breakfast at work!  They had an event planned for 10 people and only 6 showed up so there were very tasty brekkkie leftovers for the rest of us.  Yum!

Surprise breakfast at work! They had an event planned for 10 people and only 6 showed up so there were very tasty brekkkie leftovers for the rest of us. Yum!

My orchid is blooming!

My orchid is blooming!  All five plants are budding, but this is the first to blossom.

Atlanta dabbled with Spring a few days this week - my co-worker and I took a stroll to the Fairlie-Poplar district of downtown to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. (Wait! Is that dude flipping me off?!!??)

Atlanta dabbled with Spring a few days this week – my co-worker and I took a stroll to the Fairlie-Poplar district of downtown to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. (Wait! Is that dude flipping me off?!!??)

And there was pizza, at a sidewalk cafe.

Bonus! And there was pizza, at a sidewalk cafe.

Thank you again, NITB, for your wonderful inspiration! I hope you all have had a lovely week with many things to be happy about!
three-things-thursday-spreading-happiness1

Hell’s Belles

atoz-theme-reveal-2015Despite a level of of fear and trepidation I typically reserve for dentist appointments, I just signed up for the Blogging from A-Z April (2015) Challenge. This is a writing quest to blog each day in the month of April (except for Sunday, which you get “off” for good behavior.) For these 26 days, you’re asked to write “thematically” from A through Z, taking on a new “letter” daily as your source of inspiration. (Ack! ‘Zounds!)

Obviously, I don’t got a “lick of sense,” as my Granny would have said, because I’ve taken this a little further and joined the bloggers picking an underlying theme for the A-Z theme of their daily challenge. ea495251ac8fd45e5ecaa4c2604c66f0 I’m going to do my best to write about the South: the place I call my home, the food I love and the culture I respect, the roots of my humor and every once in a while, Hell'sbellesposta  source of embarrassment (Honey Boo Boo, Real Housewives of Atlanta or Duck Dynasty, anyone? ::shudders::) How being raised to be a “lady,” and the perfect little “princess” translates into a world where the door’s no longer held open for me; it’s sometimes slammed into my butt.

The juxtaposition of very old and revered (and occasionally woefully dusty and outdated) and the spangly new: sometimes bright and fresh, sometimes bling-y and gaudy, studded with trailers and high-rises, dusted with Dawgs and debutantes, and swirled and twirled into the inner urb’s and outer ‘burbs that make up the New South.

I’d love your suggestions for discussion or your stereotypes to be debunked and we’ll sop ’em all up with a biscuit, while discussing Southern Life, or at least life as a modern “belle,” from A through Z and to Handbaskets from Hell.