It’s that time of year when the hotel I work for has all of its 6,350 windows washed.

Of course, my immediate and somewhat clichéd thought on seeing the window washers is “Well, at least my job description doesn’t include windows,”  but after having an office-wide discussion this morning about the whole “what kind of guy cleans windows on a skyscraper?”  we collectively now assume that these guys must be rock climbers/rappellers/crazy people who jump out of perfectly good airplanes/adrenaline junkies anyhow.  It takes a set to dangle 723 feet above the ground, suspended by rope and harness and I can’t imagine it’s something you’d do if you didn’t wildly adore the rush.  Let’s face it. There are other jobs.

While I do like heights, there’s about zero chance I’ll ever be joining them. Of course, as Sir Terry Pratchett said, it’s not the heights you should be afraid of, but the depths; so my worries wouldn’t at all be about being that high up in the air or the safety of the equipment, which assuredly goes through thousands of checks and tests before it’s used.  My paralyzing fear would be more about the wild gusts of wind, whipping around the tops of these really high buildings, sweeping me up and squishing me like a bug against the glass, where I’d then slither slime-ily 72-stories down to the ground like Wile e Coyote after a failed attempt to catch the Roadrunner.

So in lieu of participating myself, I’ll make a point to enjoy watching them.

Amazingly, they look pretty calm and happy, so hanging from the sky just might be their way of staying grounded.

It turned out that when Miss Level had asked Tiffany if she was scared of heights, it had been the wrong question.  Tiffany was not afraid of heights at all.  She could walk past tall trees without batting an eyelid.  Looking up at huge towering mountains didn’t bother her a bit.
What she was afraid of, although she hadn’t realized it up until this point, was depths.  She was afraid of dropping such a long way out of the sky that she’d have time to run out of breath screaming before hitting the rocks so hard that she’d turn to a sort of jelly and all her bones would break into dust.  She was, in fact, afraid of the ground. 

– Terry Pratchett

I is for Insects

/dam bəhɡz/

The Southern States, being all warm and moist like a fresh-baked buttermilk pound cake, are a natural mecca for insects of all kinds.

While we have some really cool fancy insects (dragon flies, praying mantis, lightning bugs, butterflies, katydids,banana spiders, ladybugs, etc.) that no one really minds  (in fact, most consider all the previous as “good luck bugs,”) we also have more than our fair share of biting, stinging and swarming little varmits that drive everyone nuts, most all spring and summer long.

As a matter of fact, just call me a walking chigger snack.

Mosquitoes, (/skētərz/) while a nightmare to most, don’t really mess with me, despite my light skin, hair and eyes (typically their preferred cuisine); but put me in 5 miles of a chigger, and damned if that rascal won’t catch an Uber and be gnawing on my ankles within a second of me stepping out on a patch of grass.

Chiggers are microscopic red spiders that love tall grass (and blonde girls named Kim). They leave mean little red blood blisters as bites, that once you touch them, itch like all flaming get out and take weeks to heal completely.

Ticks are another plague of heavily-wooded parts of the South.

I can remember being a child and pulling ticks off the dogs (and myself), with nothing but fingernails and an annoyed proficiency,  dabbing a bit of nail polish on the bite to “kill the tick head.”

Now with all the horrors of tick-borne diseases making the news, the vicious suckers are taken much more seriously.

Most folks wear a hat and cover up when walking in the woods (I know many a case where a tick’s fallen from a tree and buried itself into the part of an unwary walker’s hair.)  No more childhood days of careening around in the bushes barefoot and in shorts, hollerin’ just ‘cuz you see a patch of poison ivy – now ticks are the enemy. After a day of play in the great outdoors, kids’ll face a modern Southern Mom and thorough tick inspection with the tweezers, right down to the private bits, and the dog’ll get the same treatment as well.

Fire ants are the scourge of the front yard.

If their nest is disturbed, they will swarm and attack you with the impassioned intent of trained guerrillas. Fire ants aren’t actually native to the South – the black fire ant was a stow-a-way on a South American ship that docked in Mobile, Alabama, back in 1918. Its distribution is still limited to parts of Mississippi and Alabama.

However, red fire ants (/viSHəs  hĕl dēmən’ fəkəhz/ ) snuck in from foreign (/fur-ən/) parts around the 1930’s and have infested more than 260 million acres of land in nine southeastern states, including all or portions of Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Texas and Oklahoma.  They are just about impossible to kill.  People pour poison on them, they douse the mounds with gasoline and set fire to them; they dig them up, mow them down, disperse them to the very winds and the next day, they’ll be back, mound rebuilt bigger and higher, with a distinct miasma of vengeance weighing heavy in the air.

One of the best pieces of advice I can impart to anyone visiting the South:

If it’s a bug, JUST LET IT BE.  If it bites, DON’T SCRATCH IT. If you see a fire ant mound on the lawn, for all that is holy, LEAVE IT ALONE.

“I’ve just been bitten on the neck by a vampire… mosquito. Does that mean that when the night comes I will rise and be annoying?”
― Vera Nazarian

H is for Haint Blue

/hānt blo͞o/

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Haint Blue is a traditional ceiling color of Southern porches, dating as far back as the early 1800s, with tones ranging from blue-greens to bright cerulean to blue-violets.  The purpose of the paint is to mimic water or sky and there are a couple of interesting theories behind the custom.

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The Gullah people of low country Georgia and South Carolina believe that Haints, or Haunts (spirits of the dead trapped between dimensions) can’t cross over water.  Painting a ceiling (or door or window sill) a watery blue confuses the ghosts and wards them from the home.

Sky-tinted ceilings were also believed to keep away birds and insects, fooling them into believing they were flying unprotected under an open sky.

The real truth behind this myth was most likely not the similarity to the heavens as much as the composition of colonial paints, since they were mixed with lime, which acts as a  repellent to flying critters.

Regardless, my husband swears that although lime-free, our Haint Blue porch ceiling keeps away the wasps.

Well, it’s rare I see a wasp and honestly, I don’t believe I’ve seen much in the way of ghosts, either.

“Ghosts won’t cross over water because they are afraid of getting their sheets wet.” – Anonymous

G is for Garden and Gun

/gärˈdn’ ĭn gŭn/

Garden and Gun  is a preeminent lifestyle magazine and the self-acclaimed, “Soul of the South.”

G & G, in the vernacular, is an ode to the traditional Upscale Southern lifestyle loosely translated to everyday living in the New South.

Sure, most of us don’t squeeze in a few rounds of sporting clays before hosting a 5-course candlelit dinner for 20 VIPs, prepared by Charleston Chef Sean Brock in a run-down but lavishly-staged barn on Flannery O’Connor’s family farm…

while wearing Dior…

but damn, it’s awfully fun sometimes to pretend you might.

And that’s what G & G does the best: saturate its reader with the lush landscape of the South, exploring culture and history; publishing essays from the South’s finest writers; showcasing food, music, art and travel – all the while inspiring a higher level of eating, drinking, decorating, story-tellin’ and just plain ol’being Southern.

(Oh, and it goes to the dogs, every year, when readers submit photos of their beloved pooches to vie for honors in the wildly lauded Good Dog competition.)

In our home (not so’s you’d be surprised), we actually use it as a verb.  “Hey, let’s Garden and Gun up the local, small-batch heritage pork sausage display with Granny’s china and some flowers.”

“Garden & Gun Magazine’s style is bright and exuberant. The magazine revels in the culture, traditions, and heritage of all aspects of the South. Do you wish you had a place to turn for a cultural touchstone, or just to find the right comforter to complement the window dressings? This magazine is what you’ve had in mind all along.” – Amazon.com Review

“You don’t have to be Southern and you don’t have to live in the South to appreciate Garden & Gun, but you do have to have the time to read.” – Barbara Bing, Garden and Gun in interview with the New York Times

A – to – Z Challenge Note: we were out of town the last four days on a visit to the North Georgia Mountains and our rental home had no internet.  I could squeeze out an email or Instagram or two, via the phone signal but WordPress slapped me in the face and refused all communications without wifi, so I wasn’t able to post Friday, Saturday or Monday, thus 86’ing myself from the competition.

 I’m having fun, though, so I’ll keep trying to play along regardless and hopefully, you’ll keep reading.  Thank you all so much for all your kind comments so far!

Last year during the A-to-Z Challenge, I started a series of posts I called “A Hellacious Belle’s Guide to the New South,” sharing alphabetical insights into life in the modern-day Southern United States.

I was having a whole bunch of fun with my theme, but unfortunately, after 23 successful consecutive posts, I completely lost my *&$% and dropped the ball on letter W, failing to complete the challenge

(I always figured it’d be my “x” that did me in.)

::sigh:: I was so very disappointed in me.

However…

This year the Belle is back!  I’m going to continue the Guide and this time I’m giving myself a little crutch – I’m calling it a “Pictorial” guide (read Instagram) to Life in the New South -that way if I run out of time and words, I can say it with photos.

Let’s kick this thing off with the Letter  A and show y’all how we roll down here South of the Mason-Dixon.

A is for AZALEAS

/uh-zāy’-yuz/

Azaleas are a flowering shrub ubiquitous in the Deep South.  They grow in yards, gardens and woods and come in colors ranging from snow white and the palest of pinks to vivid fuchsias, corals and reds.

I grew up in Mobile, Alabama and every spring that I can remember, they splashed themselves across the city in giant swathes of electrical pigment like some kind of heavenly technicolor yawn.

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#WeekendCoffeeShare was created by Part Time Monster. I’m so happy to participate again!  I made an extra pot and I hope you’ll join me.

If we were having coffee…

I would tell you what a wonderful time we had in Birmingham, spending time with my family for Thanksgiving.  There were years after my grandmother died when we were estranged and barely spoke, so it means even more for me to have their love around me today.

How was your Thanksgiving?  I hope you spent it with people you love and I’d love to hear all about it.

We got home from Birmingham yesterday and started decorating the house for Christmas.  David’s been working all day today to get the wreaths and garland up to decorate the outside of the house.

I go into work tomorrow and into a month of Holiday Hell scheduling everyone else’s Christmas parties, but I’m holding on to the thoughts of wonderful holiday times we’re planning for ourselves, and that will see me through it.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask if you did NaBloPoMo this year, and what were your experiences?

I’d tell you that I participated for the third year this month and have made it all the way (well, there’s tomorrow’s post, but too late to drop the ball on that one!

I’d tell you how much, once again, it meant to me to be a part of such a warm, engaging and supportive group of bloggers.  I’d tell you how lucky I felt again, this year, to be a part of Team Tiny Peppers (Nanopoblano) and I hope, work allowing, to still enjoy their writing and thoughtful comments and encouragement once November passes.  They have a “value beyond rubies,” and have brought a lot of happiness to my life.

If we were having coffee, I’d ask you to be sure to come back next week! There may be cookies!

I’ve greatly enjoyed your company and look forward to many more coffee times together!

I’d also like to thank Nerd in the Brain – I’ve enjoyed her “if we were having coffee” posts so much, it inspired me to brew up a pot and join you all!  I hope you have a wonderful week!

A repost from last year’s NanoPoblano  for this weekend’s Moonshine Challenge over at Yeah Write. These are some of the most amazing sunset photos I’ve ever taken – and by now you may have realized that I’m a sunset junkie 🙂

A sudden moment, walking around a bend in the road near my Mom-in-Law’s house in Augusta, spellbound while magical flights of clouds and colors cloaked the sunset with twilight, as the chill of evening settled in.

I borrowed this concept from the lovely Nerd in the Brain, who encourages you to steal this “exercise in gratitude” with “wild abandon” by sharing three things that made you smile this week and “fill your blog with the happy.”

Thing #1: All-day brunch with friends last Sunday

We hadn’t had a dinner party in a while and I was missing my peeps all together in one place.

I suck at selfies.

There was tons of really amazing food:  Paul and Laura’s Homemade Butter Chicken (which is to die for), Ben’s Famous Bloody Mary Chili, Hawk’s Legendary Superbowl Mac N Cheese, B&B Casserole (baked eggs, Gruyere and ham) and Paula Deen’s Hashbrown Casserole (hashbrowns, cream of mushroom soup, 2 lbs of cheddar cheese and a bucket of sour cream, topped with crushed sour cream and onion potato chips) from me, baked to order scones from Susan and some delightful bottles of Cabernet and bubbles from The Bear of Doug (plus mimosas and bloody marys).

Most importantly, there was lots of catching up and talking and laughing and being grateful for all of our years of friendship and how it was even more important to us today.

Thing #2: Heidi’s Going Away Party on Tuesday

My awesomely amazing friend, Heidi, is leaving us for greener pastures beaches and relocating to South Florida.

She had a going-away gathering at Varuni Napoli, a swanky pizza joint in Midtown for 30-40 friends.

This pie was named “The Angry Sicilian.”  Why do I never listen?

Group pics with the gang.

Amazing tiramisu.

I will miss Heidi and our ambling walk-about dinners and her always positive and radiant self, but I will have email and phone calls and a new place to stay in Florida, so I’m dealing with myself and wishing her all the luck and fortune in the world as she makes the transition.

Thing #3 Getting Ready for Thanksgiving!

We’re at my parents this week, planning for a big family meal today and really enjoying relaxing, cooking and eating!

We’ve been setting up chairs and tables and finessing stuff since about ten this morning, with the big dinner is still to come later this afternoon.

For now, I’ll leave you with some turkey hats

and some turkeys.

May you have a Thanksgiving bursting at the seams with love and happiness.

And there you go!  Three things that made me smile and brought joy to my week.  Thanks as always, Nerd in the Brain, for the inspiration!

Annie smashed the Mustang’s gas pedal, deliberately cutting off the swaybacked old Bronco as it lumbered doggedly towards the one available parking place in front of Macys.

Barreling neatly into the spot, she smirked as she flipped off the ignition.

“Yippee ki-yay!”

The above paragraph is a great example of one of my little snarks.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Sister-cousins Patti and Christa and my sister, Jenny.

Vacationing with our family.  It’s priceless to me – worth every dime and every moment.

Do you prefer exercising your mind or your body? How frequently do you do either?

Both.  I am studying Spanish, guitar and digital marketing right now (as hobbies) although I never have enough time to really study/practice.  I love barre classes, but I haven’t taken one in about two months.  Hoping desperately for some down time in December.

List at least 5 things that makes you laugh.

My fur kids

Pictures of my friend Amy’s kitten, Mr. Butters.  He’s a ball of fuzz with bright blue eyes and a perpetual look of surprise.

Sir Terry Pratchett’s books, especially the Tiffany Aching series (Wee Free Men)

Christopher Moore’s “Lamb, The Gospel according to Christ’s Best Friend, Biff”

My Daddy.  He’s a funny guy.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful for the wonderful gathering of friends we had on Sunday and I’m looking forward to a wonderful gathering with family on Thursday!

Thanks, Cee, for such a fun challenge this week!