Cat Rules 101 – Rule 417

The other day, I shared with you Cat Rule 417, which addresses the ratio of unsolicited feline affection to the amount of black clothing worn by the feline’s human. Corollary 1 of this rule further enhances the proportionate values by cost and use proximity.

Human and Feline interaction preceding the exercise of Corollary 2 of Cat Rule 417

I would like to add Corollary 2 to Cat Rule 417:

In circumstances of extreme need (such as the human wearing an all black dress, tights and coat on the way out the door for an important function) the feline can actually project hairs from their body like miniature javelins at recorded distances as great as fifty feet to adorn the clothing of their human.

Scientific illustration of cat hair projectiles by source and direction

This is an atavistic response honed through generations of self-imposed, selective breeding as a means to preserve the comfort and lifestyle of the species, by warning off predatory cats from poaching or impeding the cat’s human and perhaps impacting, even in the smallest of ways, the timely service of meals and scheduled applications of due affection.

It is to be noted that this redistribution of strand assets, resulting in the “branding” of the human, is accompanied by an almost imperceptible “poof.”